Year ago we moved it

Am I officially a Californian?? 
We moved into our house a year ago today
It was beautiful here today
Too bad December 7th last year it rained
I mean poured like you can't believe
But thanks to sweet friends and their families we were able to get moved in

The settling in took some time

Adjusting my heart, desires, and acceptance took even longer...
I don't want to say that I have "arrived"
I miss Utah, our friends, change of seasons... our tight knit community
But I am loving life in Cali
Loving our friends, church, weather, school option, pace of life, and so much more
Loving life as a family of 5

Lots can change in just 1 year
I am so thankful for this past year, for the changes in me and the changes in our little family!

Jane

** Updated with link to pictures**

It is hard to even know what to say, or write, I am broken, totally shattered, and feeling helpless as a friend.  Today our sweet friends were at the funeral of their baby girl.  Sweet Jane was almost 4 months old, she was born with a heart defect, that despite multiple surgeries was unable to be repaired.  The last 4 months had much sadness, but glimmers of hope along the way.  We will never know why (this side of heaven) God's plan did not include Jane's heart being healed.  I am praying that as each day goes forward that they can trust in God's sovereign plan, and that His peace brings comfort.  Our friends know God's word, his promises, that their daughter is walking with the King fully healed and pain free.  They know that hope is not found in life here on the earth, but life spent with God.  Knowing God and his divine nature, gives ultimate hope, but it does not wipe away the pain.  It is hard to wrestle with how to fully trust God and his goodness, but to allow your heart to grieve, to ache, to cry-out in anguish.

My heart is breaking for our friends as they grieve their sweet girl.  I haven't walked this road before, I don't have any answers, more than anything my head has been full of questions...

How long do you hold your baby after she has passed away?  Then what? How much courage does it take to even walk out of the hospital room, let alone to your car and drive away from the hospital that you have spent endless hours in the last 4 months?  Who do you call first?  Do their words bring the comfort you had hoped for?  How do you fall asleep that first night, or in the nights to follow?  How many seconds are you awake the next morning before the depth of your new reality hits you?  How in the world, do you begin to plan the memorial service for such a little life that has touched so many people?  Do you want anyone to ask you how you are really doing, or wait until you bring it up?  How long until you are ready to go to church again?  How do you help your spouse to grieve while your heart is breaking too?  Do you feel guilty or rejoice the first day you don't cry over missing your baby?  How do you keep your baby's precious memory alive-- not only for you, but for others?  How will you celebrate and remember her life?  Will you ever feel whole again?  What can anyone do to help?

I can't imagine how hard today must be for our friends.  I can't imagine this road that lays before them.  I am so thankful that God knows, that He is there to carry them, to comfort them and to strengthen them.  I am praying that as they define their new normal and take each new step that God surprises them with joy and peace; that He guides them in this new normal of having a piece of them already in heaven.

Please be praying for our friends!

Here is a beautiful tribute to Jane's life that Amy Lashelle created!

Utah part 2

Our trip to Utah started out with a bang, busy, fun, lots of friends, smiles and more... that was short-lived...
On Tuesday we came down with the WORST case of the stomach flu ever!
Puking and ...well you know... by all 5 of us
It didn't just stop there... we also took down
2 of my neices
2 sweet 2 year old boys
my dear friend Kira
and I think at least one entire other family

We were down for the count for 5 days - seriously it was awful!  The first 24 hours were the worst, bowls, trashcans and towels lined my sister's house, sleeping on bathroom floors, achy bodies, no energy, chills, tears... Awful, I am telling you, it was the sickest I have ever been.  Kira and I agreed that we would both rather go through natural childbirth (with no drugs) than be that sick again!

So the sickness would have been bad enough even if we had been at home.  But each day that passed that another one of us was sick, was another day in Utah without seeing anyone.  Going into the trip we had plans for each day with friends.  We had really been looking forward to time connecting with everyone.  So when what we hoped was a 24 hour bug ruined the rest of our trip, I was really upset.  I mean really, who wants to drive that far, use up 5 of Mr. Steady's vacation days, just to be sick as a dog, and then to have to drive home with sick kids?!?!

I left disappointed, exhausted, with crushed expectations, and not ready to go back to Cali.  I am doing better now at embracing that it was what it was, and that being sad won't change anything.  But truth be told I am still a little sad!

There was one amazing thing about our trip... we were able to spend some great time with my sister and her girls!  So much time laying around the house gave us lots of time to catch up, chat and encourage each other.  My 2 teenage nieces are growing up so fast; if we weren't down for the count, we would have missed this very special time!  I am VERY thankful for our time at my sisters!

Utah

It is soooooo good to be back in Utah.  Okay, really it is a tad bitter sweet... but I won't get into that.  Here is glimpse of our last few days.
Friday... we drove 700+ miles
All in all the kids did great
despite a 30 minute stretch where Bug and BB both screamed simultaneously (poor H, sitting in-between them, we thought for sure he might loose it too, but he stayed happy!!)
Got to my sisters around 1am, with 3 sleeping little buddies
Tucked everyone in and crashed ourselves

Saturday and Sunday
Birthday party
trip to Costco
Dinner party to see some friends
mini birthday celebration (thanks to Kira) for H and Bug
Church
Brunch at Porcupine
Family time with my sister and her girls, and Mr. Steady's brother
Game time
Baby Shower for a friend
Small group
Sweet prayer time with friends

It has been a busy last 2 days!  I am trying to soak it all in... every conversation, each little person that has grown and changed in the last year, each color of leaf, the AMAZING mountains, the giggle of cousins, growing pregnant bellies of friends that didn't think they would ever be pregnant, the heaviness of real life, the beauty of Utah sunsets, the encouragement of friends... the last two days have been packed full!

Some of the beauty we have experienced...

SoCal Living

We went "home" to Utah a few weeks ago for a visit.  Leading up to the trip I was really nervous that it would be hard to leave there once we were with all of our old friend, in our old pattern of life, with all things familiar.

We did indeed have a great trip.  We were blessed by time with all of our friends, we enjoyed time in the snow, we were very busy going to many play-dates, enjoyed the beauty of the mountains, the comfort of deep friendships, the familiarity as I drove around, and my lack of dependency on my GPS to get anywhere.  We cherished the time we had with our family as we were there too.  Loved getting to go to our old church and small group.  The trip truly was a blessing.

And coming home... our new home in SoCal... well, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  Actually, it was so good to go back to Utah, but it has also been so good to be here.  Life is slower here for us, despite the busyness of life all around us, for our little family moving has helped us slow down (which was needed for us).  God has also been so gracious in helping strengthen friendships with those that we know here.  We also, (as of very recently) have a church that we consider our home-church, a small group that we are a part of and Awana's for H.  It is amazing how much that has helped SoCal feel like home!  We have been soaking in the nice weather and making the most of opportunities to be active and enjoy life as a family.

Do I miss Utah and all or our friends? No doubt I do!
Am I at peace with this being where God has us? Most definitely
Is Mr. Steady enjoying life and his job?  A little more every single day

We are just feeling really blessed that this is where God has us for this season of our family life.  The attitude of my heart has changed a lot in the last 4 months since we moved.  I am thankful that the highs and lows of moving are now more of a constant joy and peace that this is where we are supposed to be, at least for this point in time.

sick kids

Sick kids + throwing up in the middle of the night= awful night
Sick kids + being on vacation= total bummer
Sick kids while staying at a friends house (who have a 5 week old)= seclusion to the basement
Sick kids = canceled play-date
Sick kids + canceled play-date with sweet friends we have not seen in MONTHS= Sad kiddos, but really SAD Mama

The kids and I flew out to Utah (our old home) to see our friend, have fun and connect with some of those we dearly love. Today was supposed to be a big day... 5 families were going to get together for a big play-date... however, as soon as I woke up to H-man throwing up at 4am, I knew that today's plans were not going to happen. Thankfully, Bug has not been throwing up! Whew, God knew there was only so much this pregnant mama could handle! Bug is congested with something going on in her chest, but is in pretty good spirits! Unless you take into account her extra sassy attitude and testing of the limits. H is doing much better as the day has gone on; he has been able to keep down (in this order) ice chips, Gatorade, Saltines, apple sauce, and gram crackers!

Though summoned to the basement for the day, as to not contaminate an entire house... it has been a decent day. Thanks to some sweet friends! Mandy thank you for the flowers! Kira your grocery run for saltines, Gatorade, medicine and more was critical. And Hal, thanks for not kicking us out despite the illnesses we brought into your home.

Ahh, the camaraderie of these sweet friends has been such a blessing today. And such a reminder of why I miss living here SOOOOO much!

Rough Day + Sweet friends= a good life