... not much to say...

I haven't had much to say here lately...
I have been waiting for something profound, something to encourage others, something funny, or something domestic.
Truth is life has continued to be a little challenging around here.  Mr. Steady's back has really flared up again, poor guy can't stand up straight {another MRI tomorrow to see what is going on}.  I'm feeling drained at the end of most days.  Parenting has been challenging lately {always is really, I keep trying to remind myself  that this isn't supposed to be easy to train up these little peeps}.  My house is messier than normal {quickly realizing how much my man usually helps keep things picked up}.  There is chaos in my head with possible changes {nothing major, so no one freak out on me}.  My selfish heart daily beckons me to be lazy to have a pitty-party, to live life my own way {conviction is good, turning from sin is hard, but so worth it}.  After having exercised 5 days a week for 5 months, this last month, I have only worked out like once a week... I had really hoped my new routine would stick.. not so much.  I haven't been as intentional with my kids as I would like/ hope for {and you can see it in how they are living/ loving/ and obeying, or the lack there of}.

But I am thankful {do you believe me after that paragraph above}

I'm thankful for: 
- My baby turned 2- thankful for this spirited, loud, crazy, silly  little man!
- My big boy graduated kindergarten!  He had an awesome year!
- My Bug is growing in joy, developing her own interests, and loving on her bros!
- God has continued to provide for us, and I have a hard working man!  Mr. Steady was the #1 sales rep in his office for multiple months... even during all of his medical issues!!!
- I have found a renewed joy of reading God's Word!!!!!
- We have 2 family weddings this Fall so a long trip to Utah is on the schedule! Woo Hoo!
- With our current situation, God is teaching me a lot (to slow down, that I can't make plans, to do a better job around the house, to be thankful, to be patient, to give myself and others more grace, to ask for help when needed...)
- Mr. Steady and I are reading a book/ study together that is AWESOME!  It is called "Changed into His Image" by Jim Berg.  It is really challenging and encouraging me!  If you are ready for your walk with Christ to go to a new level, I think you should read this!
- Medical insurance... and that we have met our out of pocket max for the year!  So thankful that medical bills are not hanging over our head, and that each procedure that Mr. Steady needs is not going to cost us anything more!
- Support of friends, family, and friends that should be called family : )
- Our summer fun list... to remind me to keep making fun memories with my kiddos.
- For the exciting changes in the lives of friends and family... new babies, new houses, new jobs, soon to be new spouses! 
- that as a family we were able to go to the beach tonight for a bonfire to celebrate B's birthday, and fathers day!

- that I actually am posting on here, hoping this gets the ball rolling again : )
- and I'm thankful for you... anyone that stuck with me and read this whole rambling post!

Nativity

my all time favorite decoration for Christmas is my Willow Tree Nativity Set.  This year it was the only decoration that was put out for the first half of December.  (we had a very busy start to our December)...  This year my sweet in-laws sent our kids the Little People Nativity.  Which was good, because no one can touch mamas!  Mr. Steady We  learned that lesson when H was a year old and let him hold a lamb... to which he enjoyed for a moment then dropped on the ground, poor little lamb lost an ear that night!  All the more reason the kids needed their own.  The kids has loved having their own Nativity that they can move the guys around, move people and animals in and out of the stable, have the people move all around the house... it has been a lot of fun.  And I love that they are learning the real reason why we celebrate Christmas!  We are celebrating when Jesus was born in a stable over 2,000 years ago!  We are celebrating our Savior!  We are celebrating God's perfect plan to bring his grace to our world!

I want my kids to understand the Christmas story as much as their little hearts and minds can.  I really had wanted to do a full advent with them this year, or Jesse Tree.  But I didn't, and I really do regret it, but I'm trying not to get too overwhelmed with mommy guilt.  Anyway, one day last week we had a window of time and some sweet friends over, so I asked the kids if they wanted to act out the Christmas story.  To which they were all VERY EXCITED!  I pulled out my stash of fabric and whipped up some outfits as fast as I could.  It was quite comical, as soon as I got one kid situated and started working on the next kid's outfit, the outfit of the first would start falling off.  It took many tries, especially figuring out how to get a queen-sheet to stay up on tiny little Bug as her angel costume (without having to cut it).  But alas it worked! 

  "I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.  Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”- Luke 2:10-12

Merry Christmas!  May your heart be full of the wonder of all God has done for you in sending His son!  As you celebrate the last few days of this Christmas season, I pray that you will be blessed by His grace, and peace!  May the real Nativity story grip your heart in amazing ways!  We all have so much to learn and really soak in about God's love and his perfect plan!

start of day

Baby Bro is sleeping through the night!!!  Yay  : )  Loving a full night sleep.  I have been waking up around 6:00am, wide awake and fully rested.  Did you hear that I said RESTED.  Ahh, it is glorious!

When I was pregos with Baby Bro, I was in the habit of getting up between 6 and 6:30 to do my quiet time.  It was so good to start my day in a quiet house, with a clear head ready to read my Bible and pray.  When B was first born and I was sleep deprived, overwhelmed and if I am honest, feeling a bit LAZY.  Even once he started sleeping through the night I was still not getting up on time.

It is so easy to talk myself into "just 5 more minutes" of sleep, then it ends up being 5 minutes and 5 more until 7am and H comes in to tell me it is time to get up. When I wait until 7am to get up, I have to jump out of bed and start sprinting for my marathon of a day.  If I get my quiet hour in the morning my marathon starts with a steady jog, which is a pace I can maintain for the day.  I need this time for me... so why do I so often let my lazy body get the best of me??   In order to get up by 6am, I have to be more disciplined to get into bed by 10:30.  Why is that so hard?

I have needed to get back into this discipline of starting my day an hour before the kids are up focused on what really matters. Oh, how much better the day seems to go when Mama has started the day with God.  I have been so blessed this year to be a part of Biblestudy that is really challenging me.  It is causing me to examine what different passages really say, verses that I have read (or skimmed) for years.  I am finally digging in, really trying to understand more.  Oh, how I long for growth in my walk, in my understanding of unconditional grace, growth in compassion and love for others.  Growth, grace, love and compassion not only in my walk, but as a mom.  I can't fully pour these virtues out until I let God pour into me, and how can that happen if I am not intentionally in the Word in prayer!

So where are you at? How do you find/ make the time to spend with God?  Are you intentionally spending time learning about your Creator?  Do you understand unconditional grace?  I challenge you that if you are struggling finding the time... get up early to MAKE the time!  It is a discipline you won't regret!

A new start

Happy New Year!!  I really enjoy the start of a new year, whether that be a new "school year" or a new calendar year.  I love the opportunity to evaluate and really look at my life and to see the areas where changes need to happen.  Oh, there are so many areas where I want to grow, where I want my priorities to be right not only in my head, but lived out every day!  I know this desire to make a new start is not something I experience alone.  I am sure many of you already have, or fully intend to, write down goals, priorities and resolutions for they year ahead.  I guess for me I don't want to look at this as a resolution, but more of a reminder of where my priorities need to be.  Below is a list of one woman's declaration of who she wants to be. I hope that it encourages you and maybe even gives you ideas for new areas of growth, disciple and change in your life. 

Two years ago I came across this post on the blog of another Utah mama, (Wish I could say we are friends... we have lots of friends in common if that counts, but we have never met).  Anyway... here is her list, which I have adopted and refer to OFTEN!

"In 2009 and beyond I want to be reminded to stay focused on my priorities.

I want to be the wife:  
who remembers that marriage comes before mothering.
who is a refuge at the end of my husband's tough day.  
who knows what household items are important to my husband and gets them done.
who supports my husband's down time and expresses my appreciation for his hard work and provision for our family.

I want to be the mom:
that remembers that my son's heart is more important than my inconvenience.
that chooses playing and reading over mopping and vacuuming.
that encourages fort making.
that remembers the days are long but the years are short.
that recognizes the difference between childishness and foolishness.
that leaves a legacy that points to Jesus Christ as Lord, creator and sustainer.
that teaches her sons independence and when it is time, lets go.
that has sons who know beyond all else that their mom loves them.

I want to be the friend:  

that is genuine - what you see is what you get.
who helps another friend without being asked.
who keeps a secret without doubt.
who can be trusted not to gossip.
that is loyal through tough times.
who accepts differences without judgment.
who invites a visitor in without excuses for the state of my home.

I want to be the child of God:
that loves others even when the emotions aren't there.
that serves out of pure gratitude for the price Christ paid for me.
that savors His word each day.
who is not ashamed of my faith and the journey that led me to Him.

I want to remember that life is messy.  The journey doesn't always look pretty, but we get only one journey."

Jane

** Updated with link to pictures**

It is hard to even know what to say, or write, I am broken, totally shattered, and feeling helpless as a friend.  Today our sweet friends were at the funeral of their baby girl.  Sweet Jane was almost 4 months old, she was born with a heart defect, that despite multiple surgeries was unable to be repaired.  The last 4 months had much sadness, but glimmers of hope along the way.  We will never know why (this side of heaven) God's plan did not include Jane's heart being healed.  I am praying that as each day goes forward that they can trust in God's sovereign plan, and that His peace brings comfort.  Our friends know God's word, his promises, that their daughter is walking with the King fully healed and pain free.  They know that hope is not found in life here on the earth, but life spent with God.  Knowing God and his divine nature, gives ultimate hope, but it does not wipe away the pain.  It is hard to wrestle with how to fully trust God and his goodness, but to allow your heart to grieve, to ache, to cry-out in anguish.

My heart is breaking for our friends as they grieve their sweet girl.  I haven't walked this road before, I don't have any answers, more than anything my head has been full of questions...

How long do you hold your baby after she has passed away?  Then what? How much courage does it take to even walk out of the hospital room, let alone to your car and drive away from the hospital that you have spent endless hours in the last 4 months?  Who do you call first?  Do their words bring the comfort you had hoped for?  How do you fall asleep that first night, or in the nights to follow?  How many seconds are you awake the next morning before the depth of your new reality hits you?  How in the world, do you begin to plan the memorial service for such a little life that has touched so many people?  Do you want anyone to ask you how you are really doing, or wait until you bring it up?  How long until you are ready to go to church again?  How do you help your spouse to grieve while your heart is breaking too?  Do you feel guilty or rejoice the first day you don't cry over missing your baby?  How do you keep your baby's precious memory alive-- not only for you, but for others?  How will you celebrate and remember her life?  Will you ever feel whole again?  What can anyone do to help?

I can't imagine how hard today must be for our friends.  I can't imagine this road that lays before them.  I am so thankful that God knows, that He is there to carry them, to comfort them and to strengthen them.  I am praying that as they define their new normal and take each new step that God surprises them with joy and peace; that He guides them in this new normal of having a piece of them already in heaven.

Please be praying for our friends!

Here is a beautiful tribute to Jane's life that Amy Lashelle created!

From the Inside Out

I have has this song on my mind and heart the last few days:

From the Inside Out:
A thousand times I've failed

Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

**************

Read the words, let them really soak in!
The line that I am stuck on (in a good way, repeating over and over in my head) "Consume me from the inside out Lord."  It has become my prayer this week!
There are SO many ways that I desire for God to change me, and I am ready for heart change, for growth and for His perspective.  

When do we really grow up?

I have been pondering that question a lot lately... when do we really grow up??

I feel like so much "growing up" actually happens as adults.  I think that it took turning 30 and having my 3 kids always with me to finally no longer picture myself as a 21 year old.  Seriously, I constantly thought of myself as if I was just finishing up college.  I desired to spend my time as if I still just had myself to worry about... wondering when I could escape to the coffee shop to chat with a friend or go on a date with Mr. Steady.  Not only have I grown up a little in my self perception, but hopefully in all other ways as well : )

As my friend Nic wrote about here that the house they owned when she had her first 3 kids is where she "grew up."  Isn't that so true, how much growing up happens for us as adults when we have kids.  Not saying to my faithful readers that are not yet parents that you are not a grown up... there is just so much that changes when these little people steal a piece of your heart and every second of your day.

Recently I was talking with one of my dear friends and she shared with me how much she was missing her dad.  He passed away 3 years ago.  She said that she just missed his influence over her life at this critical stage of growing up.  It is, for many of us mid 20's to mid 30's that we establish our families;  that we lay the ground work and start to raise our kids.  During this time we figure out who we really are. 

I have had many friends say that they loved being 30.  Because, for the first time in life they truly accepted who they are, who God created them to be, not hindered by what others think.  Ahh, that sounds so refreshing.  I would love to proclaim that I have arrived.  I mean I have been 30 now for a little more than 6 months : )  I am not there yet, but I do see huge growth in that direction.  For me I wouldn't say that it was just because I turned 30, but more from other influences at this time in my life.  Having 3 young kids that depend on me every day is stretching, but knowing that they are learning from my example is completely humbling!  But a bigger influence than that, has been God working in my heart, teaching me, stretching me and showing me that really I am NOTHING without Him.  Whew, how is that for some growing up?!?  Growing out of our self-reliance and self-focus and growing into humble reliance on our Creator and focusing on showing others love and grace.

Here is to growing up and becoming who we were created to be.  May we all be "growing up" more every day.

Training idea help...

Child Training is an ongoing task that I often feel like needs to have a higher priority in my life.  Training times can feel like a lot of work or we can make them fun.  I am not always so good at figuring out how to make things fun, but I am working on breaking out of my rule based mentality to a more colorful world of fun : )

This week I have been asking myself if I have put forth my best effort to train H in different areas or if we just laid out expectations for him without training him how to accomplish it.  We often tell our kids what to do or not do, but are we taking the time to walk them through, to show them what we are asking of them?

So we did potty training over 2 years ago.  Now we need to do retraining of some bad habits.  One area that needs some training for H is how to NOT pee on the bathroom floor.  Seriously, I am over stepping in puddles when I walk in the bathroom.  Also to WASH his grubby little hands after he is done.  Ahh, I won't go into detail on this one, but just know that some reminder training will be happening here.

The real area that I am aiming (ha, aiming would be for the first area of training.... but I digress) to work on training for H is the Golden Rule.   A few days ago, H bit his sister's finger and then hours later dropped a stroller on her.  Both of which seemed totally out of character for him.  When I asked him how he would like it if I dropped a stroller on him, he said, "I wouldn't like it very much!"  Not that I would ever show him what that would be like.  But asking the question really helped him realize what he had just done.  So how do I get him to ask himself the question BEFORE the offense happens?  I realized that we have not really trained him on what it means to consider others better than himself (which I feel like is one step beyond the Golden Rule).  H is usually a kind kid, thoughtful of others, but truly thinking of others first is not at the forefront of his mind.

I have some ideas for our training time, but I would love to hear if you have any ideas, book recommendations, games and such to drive this point home.  I will gather all resources and will post soon on our training plan.

Would love your help : )

Jana Alayra

If you are a mom of little people, and you don't know about Jana Alayra, you really should...
She is an amazing singer/ song writer and performer.  Her songs talk about God's love, loving and serving others, shining like stars, digging into who God is.

We were first introduced to Jana through MOPS when she came and spoke to our group.  I bought my kids a DVD and 2 of her CD's.  It was an INSTANT hit, especially with H!  He memorized all of the songs... for that matter so did I... the CD's were on constant repeat in my car for over a month.  H loved to watch the DVD and learned the moves that go with all the songs.

Here is a Jana's website if you want to learn more.  You can also order her CD's on Amazon here and here.

My sweet friend Dena told me about a concert that was in our area.  So we made plans to go with Dena and her little girl.  Truth be told Dena brought the big kids and I met her there 1/2 way through the concert : )  It was a really fun night.

On her DVD's and at the concerts she is such a great performer, totally getting the kids involved, they even got to go up on stage. 

H, loved it! And I love what he is learning from each of the songs : )

What kids music do you like?  I am always looking for more tunes to add to our play lists!

Encouragement on compassion

I am currently working through a Biblestudy by Beth Moore called "Loving Well."  It is a short 4-week study that I am so blessed to be a part of.  I highly recommend it!  Everyone could use a little dose of Beth in their life... okay I will save that for another post...  Today in the study we were asked, "In what ways have you seen the love of God poured out on you through other people?  What did it look like?"

My mind went immediately to our struggle with infertility.  I could not have made it through that time without the countless friends that were willing to pour out God's love on me.  The sweetest way love was shown to me through that time was in tears.  That sounds funny to say, but it is true.  The friends that were close enough to experience my pain and share in my tears were the friends that truly showed me the compassion and the love of Christ.  It helped me realize that I was not alone in the heartache!  I recently read an article by Molly Piper (yes, she is related to the Christian author John Piper).  In this blog article, she articulated the gift of true compassion so well.  Here is the link for one of the best blog posts, articles or messages that I have ever read with how to support a friend in the midst of pain and struggle.

I do hope this can encourage you to reach out, love on and join a friend even in the hard times in life.

Passover

Tonight we went to Good Friday Service at our new church. It was powerful, impactful and such an amazing depiction of the grace that we have received in Christ.

On a little bit different note... on our way home we asked H-man what he learned about in class. He said that they had the Passover Meal. We asked him what they ate and he said… “Well there was this stuff, it was like broccoli, but it wasn’t broccoli. It was green, I think it starts with an M, or maybe it was pesto.”

What in the world???

We kept talking and asking him more questions, we got that he had crackers (unleavened bread) and grape juice. He kept trying to describe the other green thing that he had, which I guess he didn’t like because he spit it in the trash. I asked if the other kids in the class liked it and he said, “Some did, but others put theirs in the garbage just like I did."

H: “There was also spicy stuff, it was cream color, our teacher had us smell it.”
Me: “Was it liquid or powder?”
H: “I don’t know.”
Me: “What was it used for?”
H: “My teacher didn’t say.”
Daddy: “Did you eat it?”
H: “No, I said my teacher just had us smell it.”

As the conversation continued and Daddy and I asked questions and were stumped… what could be the green thing that was spit in the trash and what was the spicy smelly stuff? Ten minutes later we were still talking and asking questions. I love H’s attempt at helping us figure it out. I love that H is in a class at church where he is learning more about God every week. It really doesn’t matter what the green stuff or spicy thing were, but knowing that he is hearing about the true meaning of Easter is priceless.

Guess we need to do some research on the Passover Meal!

Happy Easter!!

Love the internet: Here is what I just found...

"Karpas: a vegetable, preferably parsley or celery, representing hope and redemption; served with a bowl of salted water to represent the tears shed."

Lent

Today marks the start of Lent, 40 days of preparation for Easter. I have never before participated in Lent. I guess that it was for different selfish reasons, not fully seeing the need, and honestly many years the start of Lent passed me by and I didn't even realize it until days later.

This last Sunday we visited my friend Kathy's church (yes we are still church shopping). The pastor gave an awesome message based on the Parable of the Seed. He challenged us to look at the season of Lent as preparing our soil so we best receive the message of Easter. I was struck by the new perspective for Lent. It is not about depriving myself of something for the sake of discipline (though that is often a worthy cause). It is about having my heart in the best possible place, the humble place of truly being ready for Easter. I guess like the start of Lent, many years Easter has completely snuck up on me... often I am scurrying around trying to find Easter outfits for my family, rushing out to buy candy for the kids baskets and my heart is left thinking about the "American" version of Easter, not the life-changing reason of Easter. I want my focus to be less on the materialistic aspects of Easter and more on Christ's resurrection and His grace.

So this year is different. I am ready to participate in Lent by giving up some of my vices, and by being constantly reminded that the soil of my heart is being prepared.

Hosea 10:12
"Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the LORD,
until he comes and showers righteousness on you."

Are you participating in Lent? What are you giving up? What is your hope for this season of Lent?