little hearts...

Bug is spicy and often can be tough a nails, however, I have noticed lately that her heart is so fragile.  I was talking with one of my dear friends about this and she said the same of her middle.  That her middle can seem the toughest, cause the biggest ruckus, but has the most sensitive heart.   That if he feels insecure, or if he is at odds with his parents that his behavior is out of control.

I am noticing this a little with Bugs as well.  When we have guest in town, my attention is often split between our guest and my kiddos (as it should be).  But for whatever reason this can send Bugs in a little bit of a tail-spin.  I don't know the ins and outs of what is bringing it on, but I started noticing a pattern.  Guests would arrive, she would be shy the first day and then by day 2 she was "acting up" (being more disobedient than normal).  Part of it I'm sure is that I was distracted and therefore I was more inconsistent with discipline.  However, I started noticing that a lot of it was a cry for my attention. 

This last Spring we had over 10 sets of company, so I had lots of opportunities to test out how to best help Bug in these situations.  I found that if she felt secure and connected to me it really helped her little heart.  Instead of rushing to get back to our guests, I would take the time to tuck her in, read her a story.  Instead of encouraging her to "go have so and so tie your shoe... get her snack... read to her..." I would help her and make sure I affirmed my love. 

By no means am I encouraging creating a princess, self-centered mentality... We don't even use that p-word at our house... i have been really challenged to think through coming along side my kids, in training their hearts, in helping them understand this big world.  I want their hearts to be secure... Not just because I want them to have a great childhood... but WAY more importantly, I think that a child's relationship with their parents has a direct reflection on their view of God.  I don't want my kids to remember me as always rushing them, or that I was always more concerned with other people, not them.  I want them  to see that they are so very valuable in my eyes and in the eyes of their Heavenly Father... He LOVES them and not just "everyone else."  I want them to be connected... to me, to others and most importantly to their Creator!

Isn't it ironic the kids that we label as tough, secure, strong-willed, are actually a little bit fragile needing more reassurance and love.

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Mr. Steady just got done "proofing" this for me... well, because I'm not the best writer... and his first comment was, "Bug sounds a little bit like her Mama!"

... not much to say...

I haven't had much to say here lately...
I have been waiting for something profound, something to encourage others, something funny, or something domestic.
Truth is life has continued to be a little challenging around here.  Mr. Steady's back has really flared up again, poor guy can't stand up straight {another MRI tomorrow to see what is going on}.  I'm feeling drained at the end of most days.  Parenting has been challenging lately {always is really, I keep trying to remind myself  that this isn't supposed to be easy to train up these little peeps}.  My house is messier than normal {quickly realizing how much my man usually helps keep things picked up}.  There is chaos in my head with possible changes {nothing major, so no one freak out on me}.  My selfish heart daily beckons me to be lazy to have a pitty-party, to live life my own way {conviction is good, turning from sin is hard, but so worth it}.  After having exercised 5 days a week for 5 months, this last month, I have only worked out like once a week... I had really hoped my new routine would stick.. not so much.  I haven't been as intentional with my kids as I would like/ hope for {and you can see it in how they are living/ loving/ and obeying, or the lack there of}.

But I am thankful {do you believe me after that paragraph above}

I'm thankful for: 
- My baby turned 2- thankful for this spirited, loud, crazy, silly  little man!
- My big boy graduated kindergarten!  He had an awesome year!
- My Bug is growing in joy, developing her own interests, and loving on her bros!
- God has continued to provide for us, and I have a hard working man!  Mr. Steady was the #1 sales rep in his office for multiple months... even during all of his medical issues!!!
- I have found a renewed joy of reading God's Word!!!!!
- We have 2 family weddings this Fall so a long trip to Utah is on the schedule! Woo Hoo!
- With our current situation, God is teaching me a lot (to slow down, that I can't make plans, to do a better job around the house, to be thankful, to be patient, to give myself and others more grace, to ask for help when needed...)
- Mr. Steady and I are reading a book/ study together that is AWESOME!  It is called "Changed into His Image" by Jim Berg.  It is really challenging and encouraging me!  If you are ready for your walk with Christ to go to a new level, I think you should read this!
- Medical insurance... and that we have met our out of pocket max for the year!  So thankful that medical bills are not hanging over our head, and that each procedure that Mr. Steady needs is not going to cost us anything more!
- Support of friends, family, and friends that should be called family : )
- Our summer fun list... to remind me to keep making fun memories with my kiddos.
- For the exciting changes in the lives of friends and family... new babies, new houses, new jobs, soon to be new spouses! 
- that as a family we were able to go to the beach tonight for a bonfire to celebrate B's birthday, and fathers day!

- that I actually am posting on here, hoping this gets the ball rolling again : )
- and I'm thankful for you... anyone that stuck with me and read this whole rambling post!

Love me some spray paint

... And free time to take on some little projects!

I painted a frame for Bug's room and some shelves for H's room. Loving this day at home!

Crafting/ re-creating is good for my heart!  I have a couple of other projects I have worked on this Spring, I will try to post more soon.  All I can say is that I have spray painted quite a few things and I'm way impressed with how much I like the change that can come of a $3.50 can of paint : )

I survived

I officially survived my first tri-athlon!  Whoo hoo!  I'm so thankful that I was able to do it, especially with everything that has been going on the last 2 months with Mr. Steady's back.  Training was really tricky since he could be left home with all 3 kiddos unless everyone was sleeping (no lifting restriction...)  But he said a few weeks ago, that hands down I needed to try to keep up with my training and that he fully supported me doing the race, the logistics were just a little more complicated. 

The training process was actually really fun.  It provided great excuses to see friends at 6am (how often do you do that), to meet at the pool.  It provided great times of worship as I rode my bike at the crack of dawn listening to praise music.  It provided a goal to work towards and therefore self discipline.  The funny unexpected benefit, is that it helped me desire to be more active with my kids.  I was the mom running around at the park and the mom who actually got my hair wet at the pool when we went to play.  I like this new change, hope I can keep it up : )

For the Tri I had a slew of wonderful people to participate with...
My bro and his friend Katie- they came out from Denver and did the full Sprint
My college roommates- Kathy & Jenn
My dear friend Dena
My friend Amy from church
7 of us in all, which made it really fun to setup our transition areas together, then to cheer each other on along the way!

As for the actual Tri

 I loved getting to race with these awesome girls, even though most of them left me in the dust on the swim!

I do not recommend an ocean swim for your first Tri!  It was intense!  Waves were chest-high, and the waves just kept coming and coming!  I'm so thankful that I survived!

 I now wish I would have pushed myself more on the run and bike... especially since my swim was so slow!  But I was struggling to catch my breath the whole time!

Getting to do the tri with my big bro will be forever a special memory for me! 

My favorite memory of the day was when H, joined me for the last 50 yards of my run!  

Too bad this sweet buddy has some serious speed and was sprinting, I had to ask him to slow down so I could keep up : )

I felt so supported and loved by my man!  He got up at the crack of dawn and rallied the 2 big kids, made signs for me, took a whole slew of pictures, cheered me on along the course.  Oh, how I love this man!  I could have never taken this on without his support!!

All is well

Life has been a tad crazy over here so I haven't have a chance to hop on my blog and give an update!  To say that the last month has been crazy, feels like an understatement.  To say that we have been covered in prayer and love is an even bigger understatement!  We have received emails, texts, calls, meals, prayers, childcare, groceries and so much more.  Thank you to each and every one of you that have blessed us and carried us through this crazy time.

I'll give a little re-cap for those that want to hear it...
The day following the last post was a Wednesday.  Mr. Steady had an appointment with the surgeon, who reviewed his MRI and confirmed that yes indeed it was time for surgery.  Soonest available time-slot was to be the following Monday as long as insurance approved it.  Pain on that Wednesday was pretty high, but somewhat manageable.
Thursday of that week, we were back in the ER for pain management.  After being there for 5 hours he was released with a new cocktail of meds to help him make it to Mondays tentative surgery.
Friday afternoon he had an epidural to help with localized pain... and the best part of Friday was my mom flew into town!!!!!!!  I was trying really hard to juggle everything here {with the help of friends} but I couldn't do it.  I needed help here, in my house, for my kids, for my man, and for me.  One call to my mom on Thursday morning and her tickets were booked within 10 minutes to arrive the next day!  {I sure do hope you all have a mama like mine}
Friday we found out insurance would cover Mr. Steady's surgery!  And Friday's epidural really did help with pain over the weekend.  No more visits to ER!!
Sat and Sunday, we laid low at home
Monday- Surgery!  Going into it I was doing pretty good.  Mr. Steady was so relieved to go and get surgery to have the possibility of decreased pain.  Once he was all gowned up and we talked with the Dr. and the anesthesiologist I had to go out to the waiting room, I started to get a little more anxious.  You would think I would be used to this... this was his 5th orthopedic surgery in 6.5 years!  But regardless of the frequency, the waiting to hear all is well, can still be hard!

{waiting... wearing Mr. Steady's wedding ring}

I sat in the waiting room and did my Bible study homework and listened to Matt Redman's CD.  The song Never Once really stood out to me... I played it over and over again.  The whole song is amazing, but even the first verse just reminded me of God's hand on us in the whole ordeal:

"Standing on this mountaintop 

Looking just how far we've come 

Knowing that for every step 

You were with us"

 God was with us each and every step of the way.  He provided through so many of you to reach out and help carry us through this!  In light of heartache that others we know are going through, Mr. Steady's pain and surgery can feel small, yet that is how amazing God is.  He uses the big and the small, he takes care of our needs whether temporary or a forever loss.  I hope this song will encourage you:

After almost 3 hours the surgeon came out to tell me that my man did awesome in surgery!  The herniation of his disc was much worse than they expected, but that they were hopeful for good results.  After 2 hours in recovery we were sent home!  Oh, and it gets better... the nerve pain that had been radiating down his leg since February was completely GONE!!!  Thank you Lord!

My poor man!

The last 24 hours have been beyond rough for my man!  His pain has been increasing the last few days, and he hardly slept a wink last night.  He got up at 8am, and I could see the pain and exhaustion from the moment I saw him, in his eyes, the way he was hunched over, his attempt to sit down...  you could just tell he was miserable!  As the day went on, things got worse... I encouraged Mr. Steady to call his DR and see what the next step should be.  The doctor was able to pull some serious strings and get Mr. Steady an appointment tomorrow morning with a spine surgeon for a consultation {getting the ball rolling}

By 2pm he was on a conference-call curled up in the fetal position, trying so hard to find a comfortable position, to no avail!  Beads of sweat on his face, and totally nauseous.  I left him to do his work and came down to email some friends from church to ask for prayer, and to call my friend who is an ER nurse to ask her at what point should I take him to the ER! 

At 2:45 H came running down stairs and stuttered over his words, and finally spit out, "Mama, Daddy really needs you upstairs."  I ran up stairs to find Mr. Steady curled up in a ball, body shaking, sweat dripping, and crying! {I have only ever seen my husband even tear up 2 other times in the last 10 years}  He asked me to find a thermometer because he thought he had a fever.  I searched for a moment then thought, what in the world good will a thermometer do?  I knew the sweating was from pain, not a fever... then I kicked into high gear, and tears...  I called our babysitter, and asked (dare I say I begged and sputtered) how far away she was and if she could come get our kids.  She said yes, but it would be about 45 minutes until she could come.  Then I ran next door and asked our neighbor if she could watch the kids until our babysitter could be here {by God's grace our neighbor was home, she is a teacher and this week is her spring break}.  We live less than 5 minutes from the hospital, but the whole ride, he was cringing, attempting to curl up in a ball on the front seat... struggling like I have never seen before.

We were able to get right in at the ER, normally a 4 hour wait!  It did take the doctor a while to get pain meds started, but by 4pm they started the first round of meds, including anti-nausea meds. 3 rounds of meds and 6 hours later he was discharged.  The ride home was almost as rough as the ride in, he kept thinking he was going to throw up.  But we made it home, to a clean house and kids all tucked in.  I was able to run back out to the pharmacy to get his meds while our awesome sitter was still here.  He got 4 meds, and the grand total was $0.  I couldn't believe it.  Though this struggle is hard, we are seeing God's blessings and provisions along the way.  Please keep my sweet man in your prayers!

I hate bedtime

I have gone through seasons before of loathing bedtime, and other times it isn't so bad.  Other than with my kids when they were newborns, I have never LOVED bedtime...  And I get all kinds of frustrated at myself that I don't LOVE it.  I wish bedtime was a sweet, calm, full of great memories kind of time around here... but right now, we are so far from that!  You see for 7 weeks Mr. Steady has been unable to help with bedtime {since he herniated his a disc in his back}.  I had been used to the amazing tag-team we had going on for bedtime, each of us pitching in, each of us getting a little 1 on 1 time with one or two of the kids.  But doing it all by myself for weeks on end, has been hard, tiring, and testing of my patience.

Tonight I was struck by how many times I told my kids, "hurry up!"  What, is my deal?  It is not like we have anything pressing that we are going to be late for!  Other than, the more dilly-dallying and disobedience for sure dwindles my patience!

I wish I could say my sweet man was doing better and that starting tomorrow, he would be tag-teaming bedtime with me.  But that is not our reality right now.  Poor guy is struggling walking, sitting, even sleeping... and by doctor's orders he is not allowed to pick up any of our kids.  So that leaves me, which is fine, I know there are lots of families where dad doesn't help with bedtime at all {heaven help you sweet ladies enduring this}, and there there are single-moms who have no choice but to care for every need of their little ones-- and somehow their kiddos make it to bed each and every night.   Or a military wife, doing this for months on end... how did my sweet mother-in-law do it???

Here is my new game plan of surviving this time of day
1.  Get over myself and my selfishness and get over the expectations that this will take only 15 minutes.
2.  Start earlier
3.  have chart/ cards for big kids to follow for the parts of getting ready for bed that they can do on their own {I will post more on this later}
4.  Ban myself from saying "hurry up!!!"  I can give other reminders, but overall they don't have to hurry and rush, they just need to stay on task!
5.  And once a week, I'm hoping for a bedtime break... that we can get a babysitter for a few hours.  (sounds bad to say out-loud... but just keepin' it real)

Do you have any bedtime tips??  Am I the only mom that longs for bedtime to be sweet and memorable, but is often frustrated and rushing??  What works for you??

Okay, and when you are tucking your little peeps in at night, will you say a little prayer for me to be patient and to find enjoyment in this time with my littles?