Being fully present

I have been thinking so much about how I am missing out on little nuggets of life, missing the beat of our family song, half-heartedly being a part of a conversation... all because I am distracted, pulled in different directions and at times mentally "checking-out."

Just this weekend as Mr. Steady and I were on our way to Alaska, we had a glorious "day-date" in the Seattle airport for 3 hours!  On this random fun little date, I was embarrassed how many times I looked down at my phone to see if emails came through, to see if anyone had text me back, even fighting the urge to check facebook. Seriously, would you have wanted to be on a date with me.  Ummm, NO!

For me, I am constantly tempted to stay connected to others via my phone (text, email, facebook...) that I end up lessening my connection through real face time.  Once I realized I was doing this to Mr. Steady, and we talked about it a little, I confessed how often I am doing this to my kids.  "Just a minute H, I have to finish sending this text, then i will come and see what you are working on."  "Hold on, I can't answer that question buddy, I'm trying to consentrate on what this email says."

I don't quite know what the answer is, because we all know having technology at the tip of my fingures is often so very conveniant and can save time.  However, I need to get some pesonal limits in place, because as one friend said to me (about herself) "I don't want my kids to just remember my profile, of me looking at a screen.  I want more face to face time with my kids."  Oh so true!!!

I'm not wanting to limit media just for the sake of limiting it.  I see how much time I am spending on my phone, and honestly discourages me.  I don't like it because it shows me what is really going on in my heart, I realize how often I am looking at something on my phone just so I can "checkout." For instance, I just looked at the weather on my phone 5 minutes ago, I don't need to check it again... really I am disconnecting from the chaos of my own house, and covering up my selfish heart!  Maybe that is what it comes down to, me being selfish with my time.  Anyone else struggle with this?

I truly desire to figure out what is realistic, and what is right... for me.   I want my time to honor God, to treasure the relationships that God has put in my life, to live fully present in each moment, and to be considerate of those around me, even if they are only 3 years-old!  On the other hand, I have some amazing friends and ALL of our family that live hundreds of MILES away, that I don't have the pleasure of getting enough face time with... and in these relationships, I am SO very thankful for my phone to keep me connected.  How do I balance it??  I would love prayers for wisdom, conviction and strength to follow through, to be disciplined to have some non-phone HOURS in each day. 

I want to live in the moment!

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Maybe it is my fault my kids like screen-time so much.

Monkey see, monkey do!

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I must say, this post REALLY encouraged me, especially this quote...
"
“But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make while doing this.
I did not live in the moment enough..."  by Anna Quindlin

Worst Costco Trip... so far

Today we headed to Costco for a grocery run around lunch time.  We started by grabbing a bite to eat - we all love Costco cheese pizza!  I couldn't cut the food fast enough for B.  He would let out a scream, yell, whatever you want to call it, between each and every bite.  (So wish he would learn to sign or talk, cause he has an opinion he is trying to share)

Then off to the potty... always an adventure with 3 little ones... holding B while trying to help Bug up on the potty... and can you imagine how hard it is to pull up your own pants while holding a 1 year old... I am sure many of you can actually totally picture it, because you have done it before : )

On to the shopping... enjoying samples along the way
And what Costco trip is complete without random comments from strangers...
grandpa #1 "You have your hands full!"
me: "Yes and I love it!"
grandpa #1: "I had 4 kids, I know what you mean!"
Made me smile

Then a lady stopped me for a few minutes to ask if 3 kids is really doable.  "Umm, yes! Of course! It is busy, especially once the baby is mobile.  But totally doable!"  I don't know if she was convinced or not...

Then the chaos really began.  H was my helper, grabbing some of the groceries for me.  He picked up the salad dressing that I asked him to get.  Instead of putting it right into the cart, he decided to shake it... just like daddy does.  I should have asked him to put it in the cart, but I figured he had it.  Two isles later, he dropped it, the plastic lid split and the floor of Costco was covered in Italian dressing!  Uggh!  We had to find a worker to clean it up, apologize, ask if we can pay for it, wait for them to clean it up... not fun, but it happens.

Then we get to the checkout... B was OVER being in the cart and was starting to take it out on Bug, who was sitting next to him.  So I put on my Beco, and put him in.  Then started unloading groceries.  I must have looked pathetic.  Because grandpa #2 set down his Nicorette Gum, and silently starts unloading my cart.  "Thank you I said." He nodded.  Again once the cart was unloaded, I told him how much I appreciated his help, he didn't say a word, just nodded!  I thought that strange, but I was thankful none the less.

Walking out the kids ask the receipt-checker at the door for a smiley face.  To which she obliged them.  She handed the receipt to H, who was walking.  Two feet out of the door, H is walking with his hand on the side of the cart and admiring his receipt smiling at him, when he stepped toward the side... BUMP.... I heard the cart wheel over his foot.  AHHHH!  H is screaming (and for good reason - a huge, fully loaded cart just ran over his toes)!  I bent down (B still strapped on me) and tried comforting him... still crying... I looked up at the cart and there was not an inch of room to put B back in or to put H in.  I contemplated putting him up on my shoulder to make it to the car.  Just as I was analyzing my possibilities a lady ran over and said, "Can I please help you?"  "Yes, please!"  So this sweet lady, pushed the cart with Bug in it, while I carried B on the front and my huge 5 year old on my hip to the car.  Then she proceeded to unload all of my groceries while I strapped in the kid.  She was a God-send for sure!

We survived!  H's toes are just fine, he hasn't even complain about them since we have been home.  I am learning to accept help when I need it and realizing that I probably really do look like I have my hands full!

puddles

I love rainy days... probably because they are few and far between!

So today, we pulled on our boots and hurried out to play in the puddles {before they all dried up}

I was watching my friend's kiddos, so puddle jumping with 5 kids made it even more fun... though the 2 littles were just happy on-lookers!

 

The kids LOVED it, everyone had wet pants by the time we got home, but so worth it!! 

Go on get out there and make the most of any rainy day that comes your way!

{and don't forget your camera}

Even my boots got in on the splashing

Threats / Warnings

Do you find yourself counting??  Warning? Threatening? Raising your voice?
When you ask your kids to do something, do they obey right-away or do they wait for YOUR cue?  What is the cue you give your kids to finally listen to you?  We all train our kids to listen (or not listen) to us.  They learn to know when we mean business, when we are serious, when we are about to loose it...

I am totally convinced that we are all training our kids, even when we don't realize it.  If you ask your child to do something and they don't do it, do you start counting?  If so you are training your child to obey after you have said "two", but before you say "three!"  If you are one that is apt to raise your voice, you child may not see the importance in listening to you until you reach the right decibel they have grown accustom to.  If you are the parent that gives out threats {dare I say, idle threats} you are teaching your child that your word can't be trusted, that you lack follow-through.  And if you are warning your child over and over again, they are learning that you don't really mean what you say, and that they don't have to listen to you at all.

One of our dear friend's husbands described to Mr. Steady and I once why he hates warnings so much because of what it does to him.  "The first time I give an instruction I am calm. If the instruction is ignored. I warn again, this time still calm, but getting a tiny bit frustrated.  By the third, forth or tenth time I have to ask, I am completely frustrated!  I don't like to respond to my kids when I am frustrated."  Isn't that so true?!  That the frustration in us builds each time we have to repeat our instruction.  Or is it just me that feels that way?

A few years ago I had a friend over and her child kept disobeying her.  She said to her son, "If you do that again, you are going to get a time-out."  Two minutes later my friend said "If you do that again, your going to get a time-out." This happened over and over (at least, no joke 8 times), with NO time-outs given.  I was biting my tongue {literally} - all I wanted to say to her was, "If you threaten a time-out one more time and don't follow-through, I'm going to put you both in time-out!"

You see, {in my opinion} she was training her child that he didn't have to listen to her; that she wouldn't follow through and that what she said didn't matter.  And to be honest, it is really a dis-service to our kids to give more than one warning, and especially idle threats, becuase our poor kiddos never know when you are actually going to follow through... any consequence will feel like a surprise to them.... because you have threatened before and not followed through, so why now????

I am so guilty of this!  This is just one of many examples, but I have found my self saying, "if you do that again we are going to leave." Then I didn't leave when they did it again.... becuase it was inconvenient for me.  Uggh, it is so hard!  There are so many areas in parenting where we need to die to self, to put our child's heart (and heart-training) above our agenda, conversations and convenience!

Here are a few things to consider...

• It is better to say nothing than to threaten something and not follow through!  
• Remember that you are the one giving your kid the cues for when they really have to obey.  Consciously decide it you are okay with your current cues or if you need to regain some self-control and consistency.
• Remember the more warnings, the more likely you are to get frustrated.  Keep your heart, actions and tone of voice in check.
• Kids rise to the expectations put on them.  It will never be perfect.  We have kids with sinful hearts, and we as parents have sinful hearts.  But I promise that if you expect sass, you will get sass.  If you expect (and therefore condone) arguing, you better believe that your child is becoming an expert debater.  Don't be afraid to expect obedience the first time you ask something.
• If/when you decide that you are going to change things up in this regard... Start by talking with your child about it.  Let them know that how you have been doing things is going to change.  Apologize, and tell them that how you handled this in the past was not the best way, that your job as a mommy or daddy is hard and that you are sorry that you did not do it right from the start.  Then tell your child what is now expected of them, and how you will follow through.

Parenting is a hard job, no need to make it harder on yourself or your child by being inconsistent with your expectations and follow-through.  Kids thrive on consistency, it gives them security, even when the consistency entails consequences!

"Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from evil."

Matthew 5:37

Bro and Sis

Love my 2 big kids

Love their growing relationship

Love the smiles they bring us all... 

I can't wait to see more of the unique blend B's personality will bring our family!  I am feeling so incredibly blessed to have such amazing kiddos!

Lego Land

Today was such a fun family day!  Mr. Steady had the day off so we decided to spend the day out enjoying this BEAUTIFUL day.  It was 80 degrees today!  CRAZY January weather, but amazing!  We met up with our dear friends for a day at Lego Land.  It felt like we met them for a day for summer... sunburned shoulders and all : )

Sweet Bug even got a nap!

What a great day!  Anyone from Utah want to come and join us for some fun in the sun???

Beach Bonfire

We had a first as a family this weekend... we went to the beach with our friends and had a bonfire.  It kind of reminded me of fun times doing this in college... but I must say with 3 little ones it was a little more chaotic : )  The kids loved it (other than BB, he didn't think the wind in his face was very fun). 

 Bug, H, and Ev

 I think these 2 might get married some day... they already argue like an old married couple... but at other time they get lost in each other's eyes : )

 Bring on the S'mores

Bug was lovin' the S'mores!

We will definitely be doing this again soon... 

anyone want to join us?

playing

We had a full and busy weekend.  For most of the weekend we had 6 adults and 8 kiddos (all under the age of 5) at our casa.  It was fun, chaotic, a tad crazy, a little loud and totally wonderful : )  Two of my college roommates and their families spent the weekend with us.  Kat and her hubby only live 20 minute away, so they would come for the days and hang out late into the evening.  Court and her hubby came down from Central California.  Oh what a treat it was to have these life-long friends here.

I loved getting to watch both of them mother, getting to watch their kiddos and just observing each family in action.  We all parent in slightly different ways.  And can I tell you that I was so encouraged and challenged by these differences.

You see, I am a little bit of a type A personality.  There is always a to-do list in my head and things that I see all around me that need to be done.  I am so guilty of putting tasks at the top of my priorities.  More than once this weekend, H asked me it I would play with him, to which time I said "no," because I had a ton to do.  Then H asked Kat, Court or one of the dads and he heard, "Yes, of course, what do you want to do Buddy?"  I watched the pure delight on his face at the realization that someone said yes!

Uggh, why am I so quick to say no?!?!   I want to be better at playing.  I want to be a fun mom.  I want to prioritize my kids over my tasks.  Where to start??  I am sure this sounds beyond ridiculous to some of you... but it is the truth, sitting down and playing (JUST PLAYING) is hard for me to do.  So I am setting a goal of playing with each one of my kids for at least 15 minutes each day... focused time, no answering my phone or sending a text, not getting up to change the laundry or start dinner... just focused mommy-time playing.

Love/ Hate

Oh, how I love my bug.  She is hilarious, and growing into her personality more every day.  I am realizing that I have such a Love/ Hate relationship with the 12 month- 20 month phase in my little one's life. 

I LOVE
smiles
glimpses of personality
laughter
playing games
lots of snuggles
new independence
babble and new words
watching them grasp new ideas
watching them learn, grow and develop

Playfulness and Joy

 

I hate, or should I say, I as a mama struggle with...
doubting myself if I am doing things right
wondering if they fully understand
helping establish consistent rules
temper tantrums
that my little one does not fully grasp what I mean by "Get Self Control"
The constant testing the limits
The days that I stink at being consistent
My little ones inability to express what they want
Fits and whining

Ahh, this is just a season, right?!?! I do love this phase more than I hate it.  But I would be lying if I said that I loved everything about it.  I am just seeing how strong-willed Bug is compared to her big brother. I thought this phase was challenging with him, but now I realize he was just the warm up. Game on.

Hindsight Parenting

This week at the Moms group I am a part of we had a speaker come in and talk on lessons she learned in parenting. She was great, funny and so real and full of insight. I am sure that I might lose my notes... so I am going to write about all I learned, maybe you can pick up a thing or two from this wise woman that I was so blessed to hear.

3 Things she is glad that she did...

1. "Yes"= Yes and "No"= No Say what you mean, and make sure your kids know that you mean it! Be consistent! Be willing to follow through on what you say to your kids. No idle threats. Because when we give idle threats we are only training our kids that they don't have to listen to us.
Uggg, so hard for me when I see issues with my kids not listening to realize that it is mostly from my lack of consistency. Hard to face the fact that we as parents are a part of the problem!

2. Her life was and is more than her children Other relationships and ministry are also priorities... God Husband, Bible study, girlfriends all need to be a part of life. If we don't want our kids to think the whole world revolves around them, then show them that God has placed other people in our life that need our time and attention at times. In no way was she advocating putting your kids at the bottom of the priority list, but just encouraging us that there are others that may need us, not just our kids. And that having kids and being busy as a mom is no cop-out for not being involved in some capacity in the lives of others outside our home.

3.She allowed her children increasing responsibility and freedom We want to raise godly kids! Not Just good kids. Good character far exceeds good manners!
This is something that I feel like we are always working on, and will be for as long as we have influence in our kiddos life. It is a challenge to think of responsibilities that are appropriate for my 4 year old to always be in charge of, but I think so important for him to know that he is a vital part of our family. That he has responsibilities because we deem him trust-worthy.

3 Things she wished she would have done differently...

1. She didn't give her husband enough freedom (to fail) or encouragement (that was not instructional). Dad's are going to do things differently than we do as moms. That is why God has given each child both of you, to balance them out : ) The more we step in and dictate EXACTLY how things should be done to our husband in regard to our kids, Daddy is going to start pulling back and just let us do it all... since the message we are sending him is that he can never seem to get it right. If the bedtime routine is a little off, who cares, at least you have a man willing to help put them to bed! Let him be the dad that God created him to be!

2. They didn't take a family day/ evening Do something weekly as a family to cultivate family time. Whether that is making Sundays a family day where you all spend time together or you pick an evening of the week to play games. Spend time as a family nurturing these relationships and building memories together. This is something that we have been meaning to implement for a while now. We actually want to put into a place a family devotion time and a family play day. I want to start this now when our kids are young so that they think that it is fun and look forward to it. From talking with others that attempted to start this when their kids were Jr. High age, it was too late. The kids thought it was "lame." Get it in place before the "too cool" factor starts : )

3. She didn't have enough fun time with her kids It is not just about setting up fun activities with your kids, it is about being a part of it. How often have we not jumped into the pool, lake or ocean with our kids so that we didn't have to "get our hair wet?" Or set up a craft for them to do, but never joined them in the fun. There will be times that we can't always join in the fun, but when the opportunity presents itself, jump in, get wet, dirty, go through the hassle of getting on all of your snow clothes and don't get a darn thing checked off of your to-do list! This one was especially convicting to me. I am the mom that brings a book to the beach and expects the kids to either play by themselves or to play with daddy. Hopefully, I can break this streak before my kids start to think that Mama is no fun! So, "Have fun with H" and "Have fun with Bug" is on the to-do list for my week : )

Sledding with H last winter. So glad I bundled up and was a part of the day, not just an observer.

Finally, being a mom is a hard job, it sounds so incredibly cliche to say it, but if you are a mom you know it is true. We are often our worst critics, and probably for good reason, we see all of our selfishness get in the way of parenting our kids with unconditional love. Please remember that God has chosen you to parent your kids, you and no one else!

sick kids

Sick kids + throwing up in the middle of the night= awful night
Sick kids + being on vacation= total bummer
Sick kids while staying at a friends house (who have a 5 week old)= seclusion to the basement
Sick kids = canceled play-date
Sick kids + canceled play-date with sweet friends we have not seen in MONTHS= Sad kiddos, but really SAD Mama

The kids and I flew out to Utah (our old home) to see our friend, have fun and connect with some of those we dearly love. Today was supposed to be a big day... 5 families were going to get together for a big play-date... however, as soon as I woke up to H-man throwing up at 4am, I knew that today's plans were not going to happen. Thankfully, Bug has not been throwing up! Whew, God knew there was only so much this pregnant mama could handle! Bug is congested with something going on in her chest, but is in pretty good spirits! Unless you take into account her extra sassy attitude and testing of the limits. H is doing much better as the day has gone on; he has been able to keep down (in this order) ice chips, Gatorade, Saltines, apple sauce, and gram crackers!

Though summoned to the basement for the day, as to not contaminate an entire house... it has been a decent day. Thanks to some sweet friends! Mandy thank you for the flowers! Kira your grocery run for saltines, Gatorade, medicine and more was critical. And Hal, thanks for not kicking us out despite the illnesses we brought into your home.

Ahh, the camaraderie of these sweet friends has been such a blessing today. And such a reminder of why I miss living here SOOOOO much!

Rough Day + Sweet friends= a good life

longing for friends... at 4

The last couple of days have been a little hard on my little man's ego. Not that we don't all need a dose of reality, I am not looking to protect H from the ways the world is often harsh and hard. I just feel like he could use some building up right now. I think that H is really feeling the void of friends in his life. It has been 2 months since we moved and new friendships are yet to be formed.

Just 2 months ago when we were still in the good ol' Rocky Mountains, his life was FULL of friends. Friends he loved and that loved him. Here we are still working on connecting with other families with kids his age. It is a process... I know, I still feel the void in friendships... I guess, I am just now trying to figure out how to help my 4 year old navigate this void as well.

The teachable moments are many. "Hey Love, how did you feel when....? Let's be sure to not make others feel that way..." Wisdom would be welcomed! Please pray for his little heart to not be jaded by the rejection, but instead that God would be using this to shape his heart to be loving and kind to others.