I am feeling so pulled between life here and life back "home." In my mind, Utah is still home. We have been in SoCal for almost 10 months now, and calling it home feels like a stretch. When we anticipated this move I had a strong desire to feel settled, plugged-in and lovin' life by the 6 month mark. Mr. Steady and I were talking the other night about life and we both agreed that we thought we would be so much further in the emotional and social aspects of the transition than we are.
I don't know if it is because we are coming up on the 1 year mark of when we sold our house (which was the first incredibly difficult step in our move)... or if it is that it is Fall and I LOVE Fall in Utah... or just because it is Fall. In the Fall is when everything is starting up both here and back home.... here I still feel like the "new person", longing to be known (I mean really known where I don't have to give explanations and there are no pretenses)... things are starting up back home, and I feel like I am missing out... maybe it is because we have friends going through hard times back home and so much of who I am longs to be there to be available to help in ANY way that is needed. Maybe it is just a little of everything and the culmination is weighing down on my heart.
I don't like this feeling of being stuck, I want to have a heart of total acceptance, of joy and peace, really overall contentment. Truth is we don't know if this is a pit stop for us or if this is where God has us forever. None of us every really know what God has in store! The unknown is killing me, but I am trying to come to terms with it. Mr. Steady and I have decided to make the most of our time here (whether that be months or decades).
But while I have Utah on my mind... I wanted to share some pictures of Utah Fall... Oh, the beauty of Fall colors!